Kleptomaniac
by Snufflefeet
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto. Who is he? Thief extraordinaire? Leaf shinobi? Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune? He is all of the above, but above all, an enigma.
1. Mundane

**Kleptomaniac**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own zip.**

"Normal Speech"  
_"Thoughts"  
_**'sound'  
**_**"Crazy mad psycho"  
**"Code"  
_"jutsu"

* * *

Konohagakure no Sato.

Often lovingly referred to as "That blasted place!" by foreign shinobi and kunoichis alike, it was a village both loved, feared and hated. More commonly known as the Hidden Leaf, Konoha had a populace of several hundred ninjas, and ten times more civilians. That changed with the coming of the Demon Lord.

The strongest of the tailed beasts, Kyuubi, went on a rampage against the full force of Konoha. In the process, it wiped out half of the ninja population and one quarter of the civilian population. More would have been lost, had it not been for the heroic efforts of the Fourth Hokage, leader of the ninjas.

With a single-minded determination to defend his home, the Fourth summoned an entity even the fox feared. The Shinigami. With a swipe of its scythe, it cleaved the essence of the fox from its life source, and prepared to engulf the soul of the once-mighty fox.

In return, it would demand the soul of him who had dared to disturb it. The two souls, locked in battle in life, would rage an endless battle for all eternity within the figurative belly of the deathgod. The will of the summoner would help restrain the will of the nemesis.

However, this did not apply to the demon fox.

In his wisdom, the Fourth had expected as much. Mortal creatures rarely could muster the will to match that of the extraplanar, whose wills were so powerful that they could manifest themselves upon the spiritual plane, bring the life force of others under their dominion, and carve a spiritual form for themselves from nothingness.

With a reluctant heart, the Fourth was forced to seal half of the fox into a baby unlike any other.

You see, said baby was his.

For his village, he did the unthinkable. He had hoped that in return, the village would offer his child what it had offered him.

A home. A sanctuary. A sense of belonging.

Those were the things most Konoha ninjas knew their village could offer them.

Despite being one of the greatest village, Konoha had an unique interpretation of the Rules of the Shinobi set down by the first Shinobi hundreds of years ago. Konoha's ninjas had a firm emphasis on teamwork.

That emphasis also burned strongly within the civilian population, as the closely-knit community had survived many great disasters.

Unbreakable bonds forged in the storms of adversity, members of the Leaf are bound by their common place of birth, regardless of age or occupation.

In spite of countless betrayal, in spite of a bloodied past few remember, even in spite of being in a world of glorified cut-throats and murderers, they extended their trust to all who would belong among them.

Pity.

They really should have been more wary of those within.

A short blond midget weaved through the usual hustle and bustle of the marketplace crowd with practised ease. Twirling, dodging and ducking, he made his progress through the crowd virtually undeterred by the throngs of people. The marketplace was even noisier than usual as the sweltering heat of the afternoon sun made the inhabitants of Konoha less than civil to each other while in the open.

The blond midget was entirely nondescript except for three markings on either cheek, and his diminuitive frame. Thankfully, the sweater with a drawn hood diverted unwanted attentions from his unique facial markings, but drew attention of a different sort.

A common thought raced through the minds of the people.

_Who the hell would wear a sweater in the heat?_

Naruto knew better though. The sweater, contrary to popular opinion, actually insulated him against the heat. The hood provided him with shade that also doubled as an aid to retain his anonymity. As an extra boon, it had multiple secret compartments and _deep_ pockets to conceal his... _subtly procured financial boons_.

_'They never even noticed,'_ Naruto noted with relish as he headed for the nearest alley. Apparently, his weaving through the crowd had not been without purpose.

_'Oh well. They won't miss it, in either case. Probably chalk it up to an extra shot at the bar,'_ Naruto snorted as he stepped into the shadows of the alley. The darkness was cool, and gave him some measure of peace to take stock of his pickings in normal circumstances.

Today was no normal day. A mugger happened to be within that very alley.

As he leaned against the wall and counted the results of the day's work, he smelled more than saw the mugger that approached him.

_'A common civilian criminal.'_ Naruto made no sound of having noticed his approach, except a small sound of distaste. Unaware of the danger, the mugger sneaked closer to the blond.

Once the mugger was close enough, Naruto made his move.

"Your laif' or your munnie', pal!" The ruffian tried to point his knife at Naruto. He failed. He tried again, and met the same result. Determinedly, he tried it one more time.

"You know, the definition of insanity is trying the same thing twice and expecting a different result. Doing it thrice, however, requires a special kind of idiocy."

"Eh?"

Swaying blearily, the obviously drunk mugger blinked slowly, for he held nothing in his hands.

Grumbling in embarrassment, the drunkard then proceeded to rummage through his pockets. "...I'm sure I had it somewhere..."

"Looking for these?" Naruto smiled as he held up a knife, a wallet and a packet of rubbery things that he had no idea about.

Naruto was only six years old, after all.

"Yeah! Giv' me tha'!" The drunkard frowned as he reached for the items.

Just before his grubby hands closed around Naruto's wrist, he stumbled. Succumbing to the alcohol within, the drunk fell into a deep sleep , his troubles forgotten. Just as Naruto had predicted, after silent observation of the drunk's features as he had approached.

Slack jaw, unfocused eyes and a tight jaw characteristic of a person trying his best not to yawn, the drunk was about to sleep.

"You will pardon me for pilfering your things, I'm sure..." Naruto murmured softly as he stepped towards the prone form of the man before rifling through the snoring man's pockets, keeping only the barest _essentials_ for himself: All of the guy's money and the knife.

As Naruto turned to leave, he paused. _'What about that?'_

What need had he for the rubbery stuff? Shrugging, he expertly returned the pack to its rightful owner. Whistling happily, his good deed done for the day, Naruto stepped out of the alley to give himself a treat for a job well done.

No, Naruto was not a thief. As his favourite fantasy character would say, Naruto was a _treasure hunter_. Despite what others insist, Naruto was a good _treasure hunter_.

You see, he had the mark of a good _treasure hunter_.

_No one knew about him_.

To the average person, he was just another Konoha child, innocent and exuberant. To those who had been targeted, he was a ghost that never existed.

To himself, he was going to be the best damn treasure hunter he had ever.

One had to have dreams and escapes to deal with the cards Fate and Fortune had dealt, afterall.

"Dude, spare me some cash!" A diskempt carrot-haired guy sitting at a table pleaded with the local barkeep. "I'm fresh outta dough!"

"A likely story." His friend, the barkeep snorted, obviously unimpressed.

"I swear, I had it five minutes ago!" Carrot frowned, in deep thought. When did he last have it? He swore that he had been holding it merely thirty seconds ago...

Behind him, a tiny figure slipped out of the bar.

"...and I can summon demons. Now go on, git! I'll put it on your tab."

Grateful, Carrot stumbled out of the bar under the watchful eyes of his exasperated friend. He was always borrowing money. He had a habit of misplacing it so often. Must be a side-effect of living near the demon.

Somewhere far far away, a man with spiky black hair and red eyes sneezed, as the puppet leader of the organisation looked at him in alarm. The true leader of the organisation did not just get sick... Did he?

Naruto expertly weaved through the crowd once more as he made his way to one of his favourite haunts. A homely stall named Ichiraku. To many of Konoha's denizens, Ichiraku Ramen Stand was nothing special.

It was an entirely nondescript eatery, which was why Naruto liked it. In his line of work, treasure had a peculiar way of running away once you attracted attention.

Incidently, the cook and his daughter liked Naruto too.

It helped that they were spared frequent _mismanagement of finances_ that often plagued other stalls whenever Naruto was around. Too often had Naruto been thrown out of a stall because the owner suspected him the cause, but had no evidence.

Always, suspicions. No proof, but lingering doubts. Persistent as the very first day they had appeared, but never anything solid. An innocent look, a thorough turning out of pockets served to dispel these for a minute, but they always returned.

_"Well, it was true, but still..."_ Naruto scowled.

Was it his fault he had a lack of financial resources because he was an orphan? The meagre stipend the Sandaime Hokage gave him per week was just that, meagre.

_"Stop thinking about that. You can't change that, so don't mope about it! The old geezer probably has his difficulties."_

Snapping himself out of his depressing thoughts, Naruto placed his order.

"Oi, oji-san! Two bowls of miso ramen please!"

"Coming right up. Anything for my favourite customer!"

Naruto beamed sunnily at the old chef, Teuchi, and his daughter, Ayame, who was busy assisting her father.

Having ordered his meal, Naruto took a seat at a table in the corner farthest from the door. These gave him a vantage point over the whole of the eatery. From afar, all one would see was a blond midget whose legs dangled a lloonngg way from the ground.

Up close however, one would see a _greedy_ blond midget whose legs dangled a lloonngg way from the ground.

"Here you are, Naruto-san! Enjoy!" Teuchi said as he placed two bowls of miso ramen in front of Naruto.

Naruto was happy. After Naruto had footed the bill, the old chef was even happier. It was not to say that the chef liked Naruto only for his patronage. The old man was fond of the child, but he preferred to remain professional during operating hours.

"Itadakimasu!" Naruto broke apart the chopsticks and dug in as the chef and his daughter watched their biggest customer eat.

And eat.

And eat..

_'Where does he put it all?'_ The two wondered as they watched the noodles disappear into a seemingly bottomless pit.

Even while eating at a breakneck speed, Naruto kept an eye out for his enemies - mainly those who still remembered his clumsy early attempts. He still did - and winced at the thought of them.

-(Flashback)-

"Come back here, you thief!"

"Stop, thief!"

"Slow down and take your beating like a man!"

A horde of angry shopkeepers chased a younger Naruto down the street. He had botched up a treasure hunt again. With justifiable resignation, Naruto waited for the inevitable...

...the ninjas.

Reacting to the shouts, a young chuunin tackled Naruto to the ground. The brunette grappled with the blonde for a while before the horde came down and let their fists do the talking.

A bruised and wincing Naruto limped home that day.

-(End Flashback)-

Teuchi watched in bemusement as Naruto winced at a phantom pain before drinking the remainder of his soup with a loud slurp. "Fantastic as always, oji-san. I got to go now, see you around!"

"See you around, Naruto-san!"

With exasperated amusement, Teuchi watched the midget leave. He was such an energetic boy.

_"I probably should stash my loot away. Getting caught with so much dough could be awkward."_

With that new goal in mind, Naruto headed for his new destination.

The Hokage monument. Engraved into the mountainside were the huge faces of all of Konoha's Hokages. The strongest ninjas of their time, they were an inspiration for Leaf ninjas everywhere. Each were a testament to the strength of character and prowess all Leaf ninjas possessed deep down. A dormant strength that had made them a dominant force in the recent Second Shinobi War.

As a tribute to their contributions as leader of the ninjas of Konoha, each had their features permanently etched into the mountainside.

That made them great hiding places for loot.

Naruto had first discovered their utility a year ago. Scaling the monument in those days was no easy task. His young limbs simply lacked the reach and the power.

Now however...

_"A cakewalk. The only word I have for it."_ Naruto was climbing the monument one-handed while reading an interesting orange book he had picked up earlier in his attempts to lighten the load of the citizens of Konoha.

Halfway up, however, he could resist no longer..

_"The pressure... I can't take it anymore... I'm going to fall!'_

And fall he did as blood spurted from his nose and made his footholds slippery. Thankfully, he managed to grab a crevice before he became a gooey mess on the floor. He nearly dislocated his arm, however.

Grumbling as he reached the top of Hokage monument once more, Naruto swore an oath that he would punish whoever wrote that damnable god-forsaken piece of smut.

In a hotspring far away, a white-haired hermit sneezed and was beaten to a pulp by the rampaging pervert police.

Naruto began the perilous journey to his hidey holes, places where he stashed his loot. Swinging into the First Hokage's ear, he tapped the eardrum in a special way and was rewarded with a panel's swivel.

_'Shit!'_

Naruto barely had time to curse before he disarmed the trap he once set up. He was nearly caught offguard by the third and fourth layer of traps he had set up to ensure none could reach his stash easily.

The first layer was an intricate system that would net the stash in that hidey hole and bring it to a hidey hole that had not been set off.

The second was automatically triggered, and would erupt in a fiery conflagration that will harm the intruder, and destroy all evidence of his illgotten items.

The third layer was to coat the entire hidey hole with a fast-acting airborne neurotoxin that was simultaneously lethal and absolutely illegal for use for anyone below the rank of jounin.

The fourth and final layer was his best. It would set and trigger a variation of the doppelganger seals used by high-level ninjas to guard important installations. This would create a clone of the intruder that would match him or her blow for blow. This would delay the intruder long enough for Naruto to arrive.

Afterall, Naruto wanted to meet anyone who made it past the first three layers of traps, which had to be disarmed using perplexing puzzles that were to be completed in the span of seconds.

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief.

Stashing some cash into the hole, he closed the panel, rearmed the trap, and stepped out of the First's ear.

He then moved to the Second Hokage's nose. There, a hidden compartment could be opened by pulling a booger from the nose.

There, he placed yet another wad of cash, before pulling the nosehair to close the compartment.

He continued to the Third's pipe. Where one normally placed weed or herbs was instead where he placed his loot. Sweating profusely, Naruto made his way across. It was always a tricky affair to use the hidey hole in the Third's pipe.

That explained the low frequency of usage.

Naruto really did not like to comtemplate increasing the cleaners' workload by becoming a sticky stain on the ground before the Hokage monument.

Clinging desperately to the pipe, Naruto dropped the loot into the pipe, and turned around to head back to safer ground.

Naruto balanced along the pipe and sighed in relief when he made it safely across.

Last was the Fourth's hair. Few knew it, but the largest spike was hollow and yet another hidey hole for Naruto. The top of it could be unscrewed.

_"I suppose it is a little overboard to use so many traps and hidey holes..."_

Naruto pondered as he sat atop the Fourth's head, spent from the exertion. _"Still, even I know that it is foolish to place all of one's hopes, or loot, in one breadbasket, or hidey hole. First thing I learnt..."_

-(Flashback)-

A younger Naruto returned to his hidey hole. "Come on... It's got to be here... I have to pay the bills for my electricity..."

It was gone. A note that he found read: _Gone, sucker! Thanks for the meal._

Naruto burst into tears.

-(End Flashback)-

_"Ever since then, I have been varying my locations. Can never be too careful.'_ Naruto simply lay back and watched the clouds go by. _"My... They're so carefree. I wish I could be just like them."_

It was night. _"I must have overslept... But it's not like I have anyone waiting for me anyways. Just me... All alone..." _Naruto noted bitterly.

Still, he knew that he would not be idle.

Already, he could feel the urge to _treasure hunt_ rising again.

_"So fast?"_ He knew it was a curse.

_"But that doesn't mean that it wasn't fun. I can't wait!"_ That thought brought a smile to Naruto's face as he headed for his apartment.


	2. Academy

********

Kleptomaniac

**Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own zip.**

"Normal Speech"  
_"Thoughts"  
_**'sound'  
**_**"Crazy mad psycho"  
**"Code"  
_"jutsu"

* * *

Konoha, as one of the Five Great Shinobi Nations, was one of the best military powers in the Elemental Countries.

That, however, was more to do with their team spirit instead of individual prowess.

In a three versus three fight, Leaf ninjas would triumph over all other ninjas, simply because the ninjas from other countries would abandon their comrade for the mission.

However, the Ninja Academy of the Leaf was generally considered _soft_.

Its laid-back system ensured that the graduating genins did not learn enough of the 'real world' in order to ensure their survival.

Its curriculum centred mainly on the history of Konoha, and students knew only three basic jutsus. This explained why Konoha had the highest genin mortality rate in the field despite the high graduation rate.

Other hidden villages, like Kirigakure, also known as the Mist, had low graduation rates but drastically lowered genin mortality rates in the field due to their harsh graduation system. _When only the best graduate, there are no weaklings for dying._

In the Mist, students who had ate, slept and learned together had to turn on their comrades.

To graduate, the average Mist shinobi and kunoichi had to have killed at least one.

This system was abolished briefly after one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, Momochi Zabuza, slaughtered over a hundred of fellow students before it was re-instated three years later.

The average Kiri academy student can easily kill a ninja academy student from the Leaf. However, Konoha's chuunins can turn the tables on their counterparts.

After all, there was a world of difference between Konoha's chuunins and their freshly graduated comrades.

--

"Silence!" bellowed one such chuunin instructor in the Leaf ninja academy at the class, who were gathered in the outdoors training area of the academy.

The class immediately quietened, and Umino Iruka began his lecture.

"Class, today we will be learning about the tools of our trade."

Iruka raised a kunai.

"This specially designed knife, the kunai, is the most frequently used weapon by others in our trade. It may serve as a close-combat weapon, or be thrown as a piercing long-range projectile."

Having said this, he demonstrated the proper technique of throwing the kunai, before beginning a demonstration of the close-combat uses of the kunai.

Iruka tore into the dummy into several controlled slashes, and flowed the combo into deft stabs.

Slipping behind the dummy, he held the kunai to its neck. "The kunai is very useful for... leverage." He commented, subtly introducing his pupils towards the darker aspects of a ninja.

Then, he placed a knee into the bottom of the dummy's spine and slit its throat together with a sharp twist to simultaneously cut the dummy's throat and snap its neck. Bowing to his awed pupils, Iruka stepped away from the decapitated dummy.

Mentally frowning, he noted that Naruto's attention lapsed considerably after the end of his demonstration.

_"Was he only interested in the kunai? Nah... it's probably nothing. It would be foolish to expect Naruto to keep pace with peers that are two years older than him... It was amazing how much aptitude he displayed during the entrance exams, so much so that we had to place him with this current batch."_

"Another useful tool of the trade is the shuriken," said Iruka as he reached into his ninja pouch and held some of the tiny throwing stars in his hand.

"As you have probably deduced, the shuriken is not suitable for melee combat. Its primary use is for distant engagements, where it serves as a slashing-type projectile.

"To use it, you _throw_ the _throwing_ stars."

Iruka snickered before composing himself. Once more, Iruka threw his projectiles at a distant target, and was rewarded with a satisfying **'thud'** as the projectiles embedded themselves firmly into the wood.

"Iruka-sensei, what is the difference between slashing-type and piercing-type projectiles?"

"Good question. Certain _unique _bloodlines in the Sand use sand as a near-ultimate defense."

Questions apparent in the young eyes.

"However, the barrier may be penetrated by a piercing projectile should sufficient force be applied. Similarly, piercing-type objects are often more accurate when targetting specific weaknesses in the enemy's armour and embed themselves deeper into the enemy's flesh."

The light of understanding begins to dawn in some.

"However, slashing-types do more damage overall, and cause greater bleeding."

The class nodded as one.

"There is one variant of the common throwing star: the Fuuma Shuriken, invented by the Fuuma Clan."

This time, Iruka reached behind him and unstrapped the formidable-looking shuriken from his back.

"It can be bunched together to act as a makeshift sword, or thrown for much more power than the average shuriken. There are other ways to use it as well. Instructor Mizuki, would you like to demonstrate?"

"Gladly." Deftly catching the large shuriken thrown to him by his colleague, the light-haired Mizuki began his demonstration.

He placed his hand within the center ring of the shuriken, and span it like an electric rotor.

Once the rotation reached a satisfactory speed, he rushed another dummy.

Mizuki deliberately passed the dummy on the side where he held the shuriken.

The shuriken sheared cleanly through the torso of the dummy, and the severed parts of the dummy fell to the ground with a loud **'crash'**.

Bunching the blades of the shuriken together, Mizuki turned his sights towards another dummy. Rushing the dummy, he leapt into a rapid combo of slashes and stabs, before placing both legs on the dummy.

Jumping off the dummy, Mizuki pulled the blades of the Fuuma shuriken apart, whirled around and launched it in one smooth movement, and smirked smugly as the dummy and the dummy behind it were split in half as the shuriken continued on its path before embedding itself deeply into the academy wall.

Iruka coughed softly to regain the attention of the amazed students.

"The last commonly-used utility tool in our arsenal that we will be learning for today is the garrote wires. They are aptly named, because they can be used to garrote." Pausing, Iruka demonstrated on a dummy. "They can also be used for certain uses. Watch."

Fixing a wire to a kunai while keeping one end in his mouth, Iruka tossed the kunai at a tree and began forming seals.

_"Katon : Goukakyu no Jutsu! (Fire Style : Great Fireball)_

Iruka inhaled deeply and gathered his breath and chakra for the jutsu.

Chakra, as defined by ninjas, was the life energy within all living beings. To use it for special techniques, ninjas had to use a well-balanced mix of physical and mental energies. Too much or too little physical or mental energies, and the technique would fail.

Finishing the buildup, Iruka spewed a decent-sized fireball. The fireball traveled along the wires and ignited them, before slamming into the tree with considerable force.

"Okay, class, I expect an essay about what we've learned today tomorrow," said Iruka, to much exaggerated groans. "You are dismissed."

Predictably, the ninja academy students scrambled over each other to escape from the confines of the academy.

Within minutes, most students were on their way home. One student however, did not go home.

--

Uzumaki Naruto headed for the slums, where items _misappropriated _were unlikely to be reported to the authorities, the detestable Uchiha Military Police. He could not risk ninja involvement again. They were invariably faster than him, and encounters with them generally ended badly.

Naruto snapped out of his thoughts as he entered the slums.

One had to be vigilant in these areas, for many predators lurked about, unhindered by the law, whose long arms did not extend here.

He liked it that way.

Spotting a group of five drunks, Naruto sneakily padded towards them.

Keeping to the shadows, Naruto made no perceptible amount of noise in his approach.

Fifteen metres.

Ten.

Five.

_"Now!"_In a matter of seconds, Naruto had settled his kleptomaniac tendencies and five drunks were now five _poor _drunks.

Soon, however, Naruto had a new target.

Just ahead, was a beggar that wanted alms. In other words, good practice.

--

Beggars were notoriously difficult to steal from, and many a _treasure hunter_ had met an ignoble end at their hands. 

_"Damn misers. Good practice, however."_

All in the noble profession of _treasure hunter _had to deal with the authorities sooner or later.

To circumvent issues, the _treasure hunters_ of old had developed several methods to _dispose_ of their ill-gotten gains.

One of these was the _virtue_ of _generosity_. Oftentimes, the kindness of a _treasure hunter_ was so substantial that they felt an intense urge to share their worldly belongings with others.

These noble vigilantes often operate without the knowledge of their victi-, no, _beneficiary's_ knowledge. It was a thankless job. All in good faith, of course. Nothing to do with getting rid of stolen goods.

It was unfortunate that these led to the authorities not trusting the person as they discovered the supposedly stolen goods mysteriously appearing on another portion of their person.

Naruto took a seat next to the beggar. "Hey, got a light?"

"Yea. Hold on a sec'," mumbled the beggar as he began a futile search for his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Where are they... I'm sure they were here a moment ago..."

"You mean these?" grinned Naruto as he held the items before them.

"Yea! Weird..."

Naruto, by now, had turned red with suppressed mirth.

"Never mind."

Naruto stood to leave and stalked off, a lot poorer.

_"He probably needs it more than I do. Anyways, I should reward him for his amusing antics. Let's see... where to next?"_ pondered the blond. _"Hrm... I know!"_

_--_

Scaling up a building for a better vantage point, Naruto sought out the Hokage Tower.

Naruto did not need to search far. The tallest building in the Leaf, the Tower simply _towered_ over all other structures.

_"Let's see... about northeast of here."_

Naruto shimmied down the building with ease and began his trek. Along the way, he did not think twice before... _relieving_ passersby of their incredibly heavy belongings.

Soon, he stood before the Tower.

In the past, Naruto often tried and failed to infiltrate the Tower. At present, however, the Tower did not even present much of a challenge anymore. _"Hrm... Once more for nostalgia's sake?"_

Naruto knew that there were seals on the windows to prevent them from being opened from the outside. Such clumsy and obvious attempts to enter would be rewarded with a painful burst of sealed flames.

Instead, Naruto thought underneath the underneath.

He used the front entrance.

To make things slightly more difficult, Naruto set himself a challenge. _"I wonder if I can reach the Hokage's office without being spotted by anyone? I should give it a try. Could be fun."_

_--_

The chuunin at the desk was asleep, so Naruto passed him with no difficulty. However, it was not over yet. There were chuunins posted at each and every flight of stairs, and there were irregular patrols.

However, Naruto already knew the idiosyncracies of all four of them. Chuunin number one was a chain smoker and smoked a cigarette every three minutes.

In the few seconds he took to roll some tobacco, Naruto knew he could get behind him and move accordingly when he turned. 

_"Rolling. Still rolling. Turning right. Move!"_

As the chuunin looked right, Naruto who had gone behind him, moved left. When the chuunin completed the 360 degrees survey of the area, Naruto was already gone with the wind.

--

Chuunin number two had a regular schedule of watching. He would watch the left for three seconds, then the right for five seconds. Near him however, was a shadowy alcove.

Naruto waited for it. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _"Go!" _Naruto sprinted into the alcove originally designed for ambushes on intruders. Three. Two. _"Not going to make it!"_ One. Zero.

Naruto rolled into the alcove and stayed there for a while. When he was certain the chuunin was looking away from him, he sprinted towards the exit.

--

Chuunin number three had recently caught a cold. When he closed his eyes and began to stifle a sneeze, Naruto slipped behind him and continued.

_'Got to love pepper.'_

Chuunin number four was extremely paranoid and by far, the hardest to get by. He swept the area four times per minute with his gaze. As he glanced around at the surroundings, Naruto rummaged in his pockets for something of use, and found a key, a scroll and rock. _"There! I got it!"_

Unknown to most, chuunin number four had a love of throwing rocks. His friend often delivered rocks to him, which he would chuck out of the window in the Hokage's office frequently to kill the time.

Using this knowledge, Naruto opened a nearby window.

Jumping onto the ledge below it, he made himself as small as possible, before chucking the rock he found to the chuunin.

--

_"Hrm... Jim gave me a rough rock this time... Oh well. A rock is a rock."_

The chuunin frowned and picked up the rock. As he headed to the office, Naruto shadowed him.

Naruto took one step into the office, and hightailed it out of the Tower. Several baffled chuunins could not explain the blond walking pass them. One even distinctly heard the blond tell them to tighten up security. They gave it up as a bad job.

* * *

Whew. Getting rusty. And yes, Naruto is VERY short, even for his age (just look at his height in the manga/anime...)

Thanks for the reviews, by the way. I appreciate it.

--

**New jutsus**

_Katon : Goukakyu no jutsu_

_The user gathers air within his or her lungs and infuses it with chakra. After an initial duration of preparation, the user exhales through two or three fingers, or even the lips, which have their average localised temperature increased by chakra manipulation. This ignites the chakra-rich air and sends a large fireball at the target. Very chakra-consuming. The more the chakra infused in the air, the better the effects. The user's lung capacity is also a factor._

_--_

**Notes**

One year has passed since the previous chapter.

Naruto : 7  
Iruka : 19  
Mizuki : 19  
Chuunin one to four : 23  
Unknown classmates : 9

Average entrance age for ninja academy is at 8. Naruto entered at the age of 6. First-years learn about history and stuff.


	3. Tournament

**Kleptomaniac**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own zip.**

"Normal Speech"  
_"Thoughts"  
_**'sound'  
**_**"Crazy mad psycho"  
**"Code"  
_"jutsu"

* * *

A new day of learning dawned for the ninja academy students of the Leaf. In the Ninja Academy, there was much to learn about the aspects of a ninja.

Unfortunately to the chagrin of the chuunin instructor, the students were less than enthusiastic about learning. It had something to do with the lesson after break, no doubt.

Having released their pent-up energy, the students were not eager for lessons to resume.

"**QUIET!" **

Huffing and puffing, Iruka glared at his class as if daring someone to defy him.

_"Oh yes... Let them try... I'll put them in their place... Rend from limb to limb... Uh... Never mind."_

A deathly silence reigned over the stunned students. Their teacher had never lost his composure in such a manner before. Satisfied that the noise was now non-existent, Iruka began his lesson.

"Class, today, we will be reviewing jutsus. All of these will be tested in your practical examinations, so I expect your attention." Iruka paused to eye the students warily, keenly aware that they were rarely that quiet for very long.

"First of all, we have the henge. It is used in general disguise and infiltration, and is a valuable tool for gaining the element of surprise. Watch closely."

Iruka began forming the short handseal sequence that helped to mold chakra in the required pattern.

"Proper handseals are required. Then, comes proper articulation. _Ninpou : Henge no jutsu!" (Ninja art : Transformation technique)_

Before the students stood the Third Hokage, ceremonial garb and all, complete with smoking pipe. After a moment, Iruka released the transformation.

"Next, we have the Clone replication. This can be used to block the enemy's line of sight, or to disrupt, confuse and fluster the enemy."

Once more, Iruka performed the handseals required.

_"Bunshin no jutsu!"(Clone replication technique)_ Three Irukas stood before the class before the one in the middle dismissed the clones. "You must remember that clones formed by this technique make no sound and do not have a smell. They also cannot interact with physical objects."

"Finally, we have the infamous Kawarimi. The body replacement technique replaces your body with a designated object within certain ranges. This is likely your most useful technique learnt in school, so pay attention."

Iruka formed the required handseals and paid special attention to the pronunciation.

_"Kawarimi no jutsu!"(Body substitution technique)_

Nothing happened for three seconds. The nearest student moved closer to poke the brunette instructor, and found himself poking a log instead.

The class, by now, erupted into fervent discussion, before immediately settling down as their instructor strode in from outside.

"Now, class, I expect you to write an essay about the three techniques, due in two days," said Iruka with sadistic glee, to wide-spread groans.

"Meanwhile, we shall have the much-awaited taijutsu tournament. Instructor Mizuki and I will allocate your opponents shortly. Remember, no weapons."

Iruka and Mizuki began matching up opponents of similar height and weight as the rest of the class waited in anticipation.

--

"Contestants, please step into the outdoors training area."

The announcement, made by Mizuki, was met with several groans and a few cheers.

--

In round one, a bulky brawler-esque boy faced off against his younger opponent, a boy with the bushiest eyebrows he had ever seen.

As the gong sounded, Shinji started off with a quick dropkick to the chest of his opponent, Lee, who crossed his arms and blocked. Using his free foot, Shinji lashed out in a roundhouse kick at his opponent. To his surprise, Lee grabbed his foot and began spinning rapidly to gain momentum. After what seemed like an eternity, Lee diverted his helpless opponent's centripetal force downwards and slammed his opponent into the ground.

An impressed Mizuki spoke for the spectators when he said, "Ouch! That's gotta hurt. He'll be feeling that in the morning - the morning two weeks later!"

Lee left the make-shift arena smiling smugly as the two instructors towed his unconscious opponent away. _"Gai-sama! My flames of youth burn ever brighter for this victory! I will show the world my flames of youth!"_

--

Round two came. A girl wearing her hair in buns, Tenten, was up against an older girl who had long, glossy black haired that she braided carefully.

The gong sounded. Tenten was glad she had learned how to use knuckles properly from her father. Even without the metallic short-ranged weapons, she was still a formidable opponent.

Her opponent, on the other hand, was decidedly pampered. Manicured nails and an abundance of accessories made this very evident. She apparently had a _low_ tolerance to pain.

Which was why Tenten's opponent forfeited after being uppercutted some distance away.

_"Such a disgrace to kunoichis everywhere,"_ thought the victor as she gazed disgustedly at her opponent.

--

"Round three!"

A lavender-eyed boy, Hyuga Neji, gazed condescendingly at his older opponent, the raven-haired class clown.

Three years prior, the classes of ages seven and eight were merged together under the decree of the Third Hokage.

_'Fool. Probably trying to make that Uzumaki boy feel less lonely.'_

However, three years later, Neji still remained the top of the class, surpassing even those older than him.

_"This is a mismatch. Such a fool will lose to me. It is his destiny,"_ thought Neji smugly.

Even though the raven-haired boy could not read Neji's mind, his facial expression was sufficient to convey his thoughts.

"Don't shit around with me!" This shout was met with a full-on rush as the class clown decided to bring the Hyuga down a peg or two. His mighty uppercut however, never met its target.

Despite the Hyuga's not activating his family's ability, the Byakugan, Neji easily read his opponent's clumsy movements. Ducking down, Neji delivered a blow to his opponent's stomach with both palms. As his opponent recoiled in pain, Neji chopped the back of his opponent's neck. It was over. _"Destiny was on my side. You lost before you even began."_

_--_

"Next!" shouted Iruka with more than a little apprehension.

Was he wrong to match Uzumaki Naruto with 'Terrible' Takumi? Despite being a teacher, Iruka was well-aware of the names his students called each other.

Takumi was incredible in taijutsu, easily besting the best of the younger students.

His ninjutsu and genjutsu were nearly non-existent however, which accounted for why Hyuga Neji was top in the class.

Still... to match a nine-year old against an above-average eleven-year old in his speciality? Iruka had misgivings.

The blond eyed his opponent with an impassive gaze. Takumi had a buzzcut.

Muscles rippled under his frame, restrained power that his taijutsu prowess stemmed from. His bulk, however, would render him less dextrous, Naruto reckoned. It would also limit his flexibility.

Naruto had seen Takumi brawl with others before.

His style relied heavily on the upper body to pulverise his opponents into submission, and often incorporated various chokeholds and a few tackles. In other words, street brawling. His brawls generally ended within minutes and Naruto suspected that Takumi had little endurance. Well, it was time to test his theory.

Takumi glanced at his shrimpy opponent in contempt. How could the instructors match him up against such a weak-looking shorty? It was preposterous. He had no idea how Naruto fought, if at all, but he _knew_ that it did not matter. _"Big or small, they all go **'crunch'** easy."_

The gong sounded. Takumi shot out a vicious right hook that would have been devastating had it connected.

Instead, his fist shot over the blond's shoulder, and the infuriating midget gave him a cheeky grin. 

_'That's it. No more Mister nice-guy. The kiddy gloves go off, and that guy's going down.'_

A vicious set of hooks and uppercuts all missed as Naruto shifted minimally to avoid the meaty fists. Takumi stretched his leg and tried to punt Naruto into kingdom come.

Instead, Naruto dodged around the kick, went under the overextended leg and pushed it up lightly.

The off-balance Takumi fell with a loud **'thud'**.

The problem with Takumi was, he tended to advertise his intentions to the trained observer seconds before he followed through. Naruto who often had to discern the body language of his victims had long learnt out of necessity.

His small and wiry frame only made Takumi's strikes that much more easier to avoid. His enraged state helped, of course.

With a growl, Takumi leapt to his feet, and grabbed hold of Naruto's leg. Naruto quickly became re-acquainted with the ground with a painful 'kiss', courtesy of Takumi, who released him. Tensing his powerful legs, Takumi leapt into the air in a devastating bodyslam.

Naruto deftly rolled to the side, and barely made it as the hulking frame of his opponent impacted the ground. Knowing an opening when he saw one, Naruto chopped the back of Takumi's neck with his dominant hand.

Naruto sighed in relief as he rolled onto his back and laid there for a minute, admiring the clouds before scrambling to his feet and leaving the arena.

The spectators, who were stunned into silence, watched him go.

--

After the first four rounds, the remaining rounds were... lacklustre, to say the least. Not only were there numerous forfeits, there were many who burst into tears and had to have their match halted.

Finally, there were four opponents left. Lee had to face off against Naruto while Neji took on Tenten. The winner of their respective matches would face off for the title of champion.

"Will Uzumaki Naruto and Rock Lee proceed to the arena, please!"

"Yosh! I will show off my flames of youth!" bellowed the extremely loud youth with the fuzzy eyebrows as he ran into the arena into barely-concealed anticipation. Naruto silently skulked into the arena.

The gong sounded once more. Neither of the students moved. Naruto began walking slowly towards Lee. Closer, and closer. Suddenly, Naruto threw a punch. Lee grabbed the limb, before realising it was a feint. Using his opponent's arm as leverage, Naruto swung himself closer and impacted Lee's stomach with a kick that winded him. Using Lee as a springboard, Naruto then jumped off him and away from potential retaliation as Lee tried to recover his breath.

"Stop holding back, Lee."

"Wha-? How did you guess, Naruto-san?"

"I saw." It was the truth. Naruto had seen the faint twitch Lee suppressed in his limbs, and had recognised it. Naruto had only seen that kind of movement in certain types of people.

Experienced ninjas.

Taijutsu specialists.

Suddenly, Naruto felt outmatched.

"Yosh! Naruto-san's flames of youth burn brightly! Now, experience my inferno of YOUTH!" bellowed Lee as he took a new stance. With newfound speed, Lee rushed forth and dropkicked Naruto, who barely managed to setup a hasty block. The impact was so great that Naruto thought that his forearms were shattered. Pushing Lee off, Naruto took the offensive. Purposely overextending on a punch, Naruto let his momentum carry him around and left his back to Lee.

Lee, mistaking it as an opening, rushed forward, but was rewarded with a jarring kick to the chin as Naruto did a forward roll with his legs outstretched. Stumbling back, Lee faintly registered that Naruto had somersaulted behind him, and even then, was sprinting forward towards him.

Lee whirled around in a roundhouse kick, and sent Naruto flying into a tree. Dazed and seeing stars, Naruto stumbled out of the human-imprint in the tree.

_"Come on... Lee's a taijutsu specialist. I can't match him. What can I do... Wait, does he have his weights on?"_

Naruto glanced at Lee with dawning realisation. _"He does! There's hope!"_

With a few moments, Naruto had all of Lee's weights off. "I win!" He declared confidently as he leaned against the tree.

"No, Naruto-san! Victory is mine." Amused, Lee rushed him with drastically increased speed...

...which he could not control. A triumphant Naruto skipped out of the way as the tree gave Lee a 'loving hug' that resonated loudly throughout the outdoors training area.

Naruto collapsed in exhaustion.

--

The next match was Tenten against Neji. In the three minutes after the gong sounded, Tenten had impressed Neji sufficiently that he deemed her a suitable opponent...

...which unfortunately for the kunoichi-in-training, meant unveiling his true taijutsu style, the Gentle Fist of the Hyuga clan. Using the doujutsu granted by their lineage, members of the Hyuga clan could view the tenketsu, points where chakra were released. Using their fingers, they may then channel chakra to strike these points, rendering them temporarily useless and making the opponent unable to use chakra at all. Seeing as chakra was life energy, the organs around the points that were closed off often failed. Limbs that were struck with the Gentle Fist were often paralysed momentarily. This made Gentle Fist so powerful.

Before all of her tenketsus could be closed off, Tenten decided to forfeit. She had not have had enough time to prepare for the Gentle Fist style of fighting, and thus, had no contingency plan. She also did not have her beloved weapons.

--

The finals of the taijutsu tournament were beginning. Already, the tournament had lasted most of the day and the sun was beginning to set, casting many shadows onto the outdoors training area designated to be the arena for the students.

Iruka and Mizuki were eagerly debating (and betting on) the outcome of this final fight. Uzumaki Naruto, a clanless nobody was up against the Hyuga prodigy, Neji. Trouble was, none of them wanted to bet on Naruto.

Finally, Iruka took the plunge.

The gong sounded for the last time of that day.

Neji looked around for his opponent. Somehow, despite keeping his eyes peeled, the blond had faded into the shadows. "Where are you, coward? Show yourself!" demanded the lavender-eyed boy. The raven-haired prodigy was having trouble locating the blond, and did not want to have to resort to the byakugan so early. Bad decision.

"I win. Forfeit or else," remarked Naruto in an emotionless manner as he held a kunai to Neji's throat. "Instructor, the match is over."

"Cheater!" spat Neji with much vitriole.

"Cheat?" remarked an amused Naruto. "In the field, the only rule is that there are no rules. You hesitate, you 'play by the rules', you _die_."

A disgusted Neji forfeited the match as the spectators remained deathly silent. An unusual way of winning, but completely viable, noted the two instructors who were surprised, to say the least. One won by taijutsu, or by making the opponent forfeit.

The tournament was over, and the students were dismissed. Just before the instructors left, however, a smug Iruka stretched his hand towards Mizuki to claim the ante.

**_Definitions_**

**Taijutsu** : Physical fighting like punching and kicking. Also includes chakra-augmented styles like Gentle Fist.

**Genjutsu** : Illusions requiring Chakra

**Ninjutsu **: Techniques used by ninjas ranging from spewing fire, causing earth spikes to rise forth, clone replication.

**Tenketsu **: Points that control the flow, or release of chakra. Certain shinobis have a deficiency of tenketsu, and cannot use chakra.

**Doujutsu** : Special abilities of the eye, generally bloodline limits.

**Bloodlines** : Special abilities oweing to unique genetic history. These can range from unusual mastery of plants by the First Hokage, mastery of water like the Second Hokage, the Sharingan of the Uchiha, and the Byakugan of the Hyuga.

**Sharingan **: Special doujutsu. Users have normal black irises, that turn red when used. The red can fade away due to lack of chakra. Users can copy any ninjutsu, genjutsu, and with special training, taijutsu. Can also dispel any genjutsu with sufficient training, and spot chakra beyond the limits of normal eyes. Has three tomoe, one for prediction of movement, another that manifests later that copies jutsus, and the last one which helps against genjutsu. The movement prediction grows better with each tomoe manifested. Has a rumoured accursed evolution that surpasses the normal Sharingan by far.

**Byakugan **: Special doujutsu. Users can see through physical objects up to 200 metres away, depending on the user. Users can also see tenketsus vividly, and have 359 degrees of vision. Users have whitish eyes, and hence the Byakugan is also known as the 'ghost eyes'.

--

**Jutsus**

_Henge no jutsu_

User releases a thin film of chakra around the body that clings to the skin. The user may then mold the chakra to present the outward appearance of anyone or anything. The more intimate the knowledge of the object or person known, the better the transformation. Clouds of smoke are released by amateurs, whereas masters can overcome this liability. The film of chakra is flimsy at best, and can be punctured by impact. Once punctured, the film of chakra leaks away from the user, leaving the user slightly drained and looking like his or her normal self.

_Bunshin no jutsu_

A slightly more advanced version of Henge, this projects the film of chakra away from the user's body. The film of chakra will then take the form of the user. This makes the film of chakra more sustaining and physical impact will no longer dispel it. It requires concentration to maintain, and the clones can still be dispelled by hitting the user. Good for distractions.

_Kawarimi no jutsu_

To utilise this, the user must first infuse the object that is going to be used for substitution with sufficient chakra so that the object has equivalent chakra as the user. Then, upon usage, the chakra in the user's body will attempt to 'pull' the chakra in the object back towards the user's body. This creates a 'slingshot' effect where the object is pulled to the user's location, and the user, to the object's location. The switch is so fast that an afterimage is left behind, and the object looks like the user for a few seconds.

--

**Notes**

(It has been two years since the previous chapter)

Naruto : 9  
Tenten : 10(lol)  
Neji :10  
Lee : 10  
Takumi : 11  
Shinji : 11  
Iruka : 21  
Mizuki :21


	4. Beginnings

**Kleptomaniac**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto owns Naruto. I own zip. I own squat.  
**

"Normal Speech"  
_"Thoughts"  
_**'sound'  
**_**"Crazy mad psycho"  
**"Code"  
_"jutsu"

* * *

(Three years ago, Five years after the Kyuubi's attack)

"Sandaime oji-san..."

A short blond five-year old tugged at the sleeves of the venerable leader of Konoha.

"Yes, Naruto?"

"I don't have enough money for food anymore."

"Again?" The Sandaime raised an eyebrow. This was a regular occurrence whenever Naruto was caught stealing food from the local shops.

Which was pretty much every time he tried stealing, which was usually on the days before he received his stipend.

Although the Sandaime would have loved to dump a fat load of cash into the child's arms, he could not.

_'Damn the council!'_

"I'm sorry, Naruto. You will have to endure it for one more day."

"Oh."

Disheartened, the blond was the picture of defeat as he walked away.

--

"Ow! What's the big idea?"

Grumbling, Naruto rubbed his head as he looked around for the offending object, and the culprit.

"Bah. Coward," he snorted as he picked up the scroll. He thought no more of it as he headed for Ichiraku Ramen. Hopefully they would spare him a meal.

--

Snuggling in his rickety bed, Naruto tried to get some sleep. His room was awfully drafty...

He must have tossed and turned for hours, before he gave it up as a bad job.

Suddenly, he remembered the scroll. Getting out of bed, he lit the candle at his bedside and held up the scroll.

_An idiot's guide to the Art of Financial Assistance I  
_

_Feeling poor? Need more dough? Unable to support yourself?  
Have no fear! With this scroll, you will soon be on your way to a richer you!_

_That's right, free cash!_

_To get started, please see: Technique 1 - 3_

_1. Practitioner-sneaks-up-on-target technique_

_2. The Scoop_

_3. Fading : Leaves in wind_

_Additional resources_

1)_ Anatomy of an pocket : A seamstress's guide_

2)_Touch : The Magic__  
_

3) _DIY: Finger traps and other useful things to make_

Reading anxiously, Naruto immersed himself in the instructional scroll.

The candle burnt late into the night.

--

The next morning, Naruto made a beeline for the local library, his mind whirling with new ideas.

The first item he had to borrow? _Anatomy of an pocket : A seamstress's guide_

"Excuse me, kiddo. Are you looking for something? Maybe I can help you," said a gentle voice way above his head. It was the librarian.

"Um.. Can you help me find _Anatomy of an pocket : A seamstress's guide_, _Touch : The Magic_ and _DIY: Finger traps and other useful things to make_?"

"Certainly. Stay here, and don't wander off, now." said the librarian crisply.

Was it him, or was the librarian looking at Naruto weirdly?

_'Nah, can't be. Trick of the light.'_

Naruto waited idly, as the librarian slowly but surely found all the items he requested.

After three hours, she returned. "Here you go."

"Thank you," Naruto said as he turned to leave.

"Pardon me, but..."

"Eh?"

"Are you trying to be a tailor?"

Snickering, Naruto refused to dignify the question with a response as he left the librarian utterly confused.

--

"Righto. Masking Tape. Check. Rubber band. Check. Toothpick. Check. Painfully tight clamps. Check. ."

Naruto slowly ticked off all the possessions he had with him from the list of materials he would require.

He nodded to himself. Flipping open to the appopriate page in _DIY: Finger traps and other useful things to make_, Naruto prepared to create his first finger trap.

--

Thirty minutes later, a shout disturbed the neighbours.

"HELP! SOMEONE FREE ME!"

The source of the shout?

An profusely blushing blond trapped in lengths of masking tape.

--

"Ow! Damn it." Naruto cursed. That was the fifteenth time in three minutes that he had set off the finger trap.

He was improving, though. Before, he had set it off twenty times in three minutes.

While his thoughts ran wild, his moments of distraction caused him. Again.

'OW! Damn it!"

--

Naruto looked over _Anatomy of an pocket : A seamstress's guide_ once more.

_Anatomy of an pocket : A seamstress's guide_

_1. Dimensions of a pocket in trousers_

_2. Dimensions of shirt pocket_

_3. Hidden compartments : how to identify_

_4. Overview/Summary._

"Alright... Let's see," Naruto murmured as he pulled out an old orange jumpsuit from his closet.

It was full of pockets, making it the ideal tool for learning about pockets. Naruto placed his wallet into his jumpsuit and the jumpsuit on a coat hanger. There, he practiced bumping into it, apologising, and freeing the wallet from the confines of the pockets.

"One down, nine hundred, ninty-nine tries left!"

--

With _Touch : The Magic_ spread before him, Naruto spread the ultra sticky paper in front of him. According to _Touch : The Magic_, if he could touch the paper without it sticking to his skin, he would have mastered The Scoop, enabling him to pilfer items without being noticed.

Naruto grinned and continued.

--

_'This is ridiculous_,' decided Naruto after he read the line.

_You must walk across Jinta paper without being stuck to master Techniques 1 and 3._

_'Good luck to me,' _sighed Naruto. In his distraction, Naruto failed to watch his step. Tripping over another scroll, Naruto fell facefirst onto the paper.

"HELP!"

--

"That's it, demon scum. Learn! Learn it all!" cackled a man in a nearby alley. "Soon, my plan will be a success!"

"Halt! Who's there?"

"Grr. Demon-lovers."

By the time the passerby arrived in the alley, the man was gone.

* * *

Miss me? I was afraid you guys thought I dropped down a hole and disappeared or something... Psh. I dropped down a flight of stairs but...

Anyways, that's all for now! Click the button to review! Because Snufflefeet tells you to.


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